My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
