umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
