I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
