lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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