it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The power of my boobs compel you
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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