We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
