Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
i've created a new STD.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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