consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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