I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My dick has a subreddit
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
