I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
