Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
