your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
