my vag is so smooth its legendary
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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