We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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