Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
