I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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