yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
