He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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