paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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