im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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