You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
