He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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