girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
