Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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