At least make sure they are 18
Why
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
