what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
