can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
