she's into porn, im staying here tonight
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
