So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
