just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
