I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she looked like the before picture.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
