I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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