So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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