Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
They have beer where we have blood.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
