in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
