So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
