We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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