so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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