The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
