Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
