We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
