ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
