do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
