And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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