***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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