apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
