Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
