I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
