I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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