the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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