Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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