just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
