I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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