If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
